


Paradise At Last

by windsoffreedom



Category: cirque du freak
Genre: After Life, Other, Paradise, Reunions, cirque du freak - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-22
Updated: 2015-04-22
Packaged: 2018-03-25 06:12:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3799849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/windsoffreedom/pseuds/windsoffreedom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'Death is the beginning of a new chapter,' so they say.</p><p>This little post-canon fic was one of my first works, written when because of the 'feels' after reading the ending of the book series. </p><p>Most of the things in here are purely speculative and contains lots of head canons. I don't own the characters just my wishful thoughts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Paradise At Last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been letting this work gather dust for a while now without actually having a plan to conclude it or to continue world-building so I'm currently revamping (pun) and reediting this. I might add more chapters or characters as I continue working on it.

People have always asked this question. It's a common one, something that adults or religious persons would talk about when they realize that they're growing old. “Was there anything behind the word ‘Paradise’? No one would ever know till they’d been there themselves.” I thought that it would be a blur of lights and colours. A fantastical mix of emotions and happiness, a place where people drifted and blended in a white-washed environment. To be truly free of pain and the memories of a life left behind. That was the Paradise that I always envisioned and I was going there...I guessed... 

I did wonder if I would have a body anymore. I wouldn't be much use as a see through spirit or maybe that didn't matter. I couldn't remember who I was or what I looked like nor could I remember the feeling of things like hunger or the passing of time. I couldn't see or hear or smell but I could sense that I was headed somewhere. I had a destination and I had a purpose. At that point I weighed nothing, I was nothing and this nothingness rose higher and higher into the heavens, past the atmosphere and the stars and the universe. Then, someone was calling me to remember who I was, to remember my name, to become whole again, and I did. 

First the memories; my past, my identity, the last thing I did on earth. The emotions were immense like a tidal wave rushing towards shore. They hit me. Grief, happiness, nostalgia things that added depth and emotion to the events I recalled. Then, I felt a pounding, a mechanical, substantial sort of thing and the fragments of my body pieced together once more. 

The sensation was not very different from the night I watched myself fade into tiny clouds of particles. I felt myself gathering in space around a single point, waiting and then condensing around my memories and emotions. Little golden threads of myself wrapped themselves into a cocoon encasing a mixture of strings and intangible things. From that mass, little things began to change and precipitate into physicality. I could see and I knew I could when I distinguished the still shifting swirls of orbs around me from my white surroundings. I knew their colour too: gold. The walls in my new world didn't seem right. I couldn't feel a floor. I looked down and felt a small shudder in my torso. Did I just scare myself? A hand materialized from the swirling mess and I became distracted as I watched parts of my earthly body reforming. I stretched my arms out in front of me and saw the sleeves of my shirt just as I wiggled my toes on my covered feet. The clouds of light around me began to fade and left a tingling feeling behind like someone had glued and remodeled me from fireflies. 

I certainly felt comfortable in this shape and there was no mistaking it. I was again, Darren Shan, ex-human and now probably ex-vampire too. As my eyes adjusted, I turned my neck slowly, and gradually twitched every finger and joint in my limbs. No broken bones, no open wounds but I knew I was something else. I wasn't really alive anymore and the first thing that cued me in on that was my lack of breathing. The realization surprised me for a while and I inhaled on instinct like every other normal person. I pressed my palm to my chest and felt no warmth nor any thumping. That wouldn't do. I closed my eyes and tried to remember what it was like having a pulse and being a warm-blooded creature. It worked. Gradually I felt a rhythmic beating start under my ribs. Out of sheer curiosity I tried holding my breath instead of breathing the next time I felt inclined to. When I let out that breath, I didn't feel dizzy or gasp for air. I guessed most bodily functions just weren't necessary then. 

As I continued to make sense of my new being I looked around. Besides myself, I was utterly and completely alone. Up till now I had taken no notice to where exactly I was. Everything was white, there was no ceiling and neither was there a ground. What I thought were walls was just a continuous stretch of blankness. Not even a sky with stars or galaxies. Just a white emptiness. If this was the afterlife, it sure was frightening. I missed the familiarity of people around me, missed the amazing input of the world I'd adapted too since my birth. My yearning turned into a sense of fear and loneliness. There was no denying that I was lost and clueless, mentally I was worn out and not knowing what to expect, I closed my eyes.

I thought of where I’d like to be at this point, in the Cirque Grounds with Evra, Mr Tall, Madam Truska and most of all, Mr Crepsley. I stuck out my leg and took a step foward. My foot landed on a surface that crunched and flattened beneath my imaginary weight and the smell of wet grass and earth drifted to my nostrils. 

Opening my eyes, I looked down to a patch of green, which grew and extended across the emptiness in mosaic tiles. The scenery before me changed like a movie effect and in the blink of an eye, I stood under an arch with a familiar ‘Cirque Du Freak’ blinking in large fonts hemmed by a fence on either side. It was almost an echo of my first day to my new home. Caravans and tents littered the large area, lights were lit. I could hear sounds of people talking. There were people! Maybe even the people I recognized! Twinkling stars shone in the moonless night and a gentle breeze swept across the grounds. I turned around and found an all too familiar bridge and forest behind me full of the sounds of nature. Deep down a sense of excitement yet extreme peace surged through me. This is it, I was home. 

I wanted to run right into the Cirque and yell 'I'm here! I'm back! It's me Darren! Do you remember me?" but if people didn't know who I was, then I would have made myself look silly. So I did what most people would do, I walked in, slowly. People emerged as I strolled past every tent, some were empty but lots of them were occupied. Some of them were old others were new. There were humans and freaks alike. Performers I knew and strangers. All of them looked happy to see me. A few ran up to me and embraced me with joyous smiles and claps on the back. They congratulated me, I'd never seen anyone so glad to see me. 

I stopped in front of Evra’s tent expecting nothing but then I was greeted by a large green snake followed by Evra himself who looked as young as when we had first met. There weren't any lines on his face and it looked as if he'd let all his troubles fade away, he looked really at ease. 

“Darren!” His eyes grew wide upon seeing me and he threw his arms around my shoulders wrapping me in a boyish hug. I must have been no older than him because we were the same height. My breath was literally squeezed out of me, this was all rather new but nevertheless, I hugged him back. 

Taking my hand in his, he led me through the Cirque which I now noticed was much bigger on the inside than the outside. Before I could question him further, we stopped in front of Mr Tall’s tent. I heard a soft rustle before the circus master himself stepped out and greeted us with a smile. 

“Welcome Darren. We have been waiting for you.” His eyes twinkled happily and his expression broke into the widest grin I’d ever seen. 

“Waiting for me? Whatever for? I haven't exactly been missing, I - " My question was cut short by a slight tut-tut from Mr Tall. 

"Leave your questions for later Darren. Your mentor is waiting for you.” Mr Tall urged me on softly. By mentor I took it that he'd meant Mr Crepsley. 

“Go.” Evra smiled and he nuged me forward. 

Turning back to thank them, I continued on my way and stumbled on a familiar red tent which I knew housed the very person whom I wanted to see. Tentatively I took a step in. I was afraid but also anxious. Who could blame me? There was a first time to everything. Mr Crepsley was sitting on the closed lid of his coffin with his back turned to me. A quiet tune drifted from the flute at his lips and Madam Octa darted off his lap and onto the wooden coffin. Taking me in with her eyes, she scurried closer to me and lifted three of her legs almost like an invitation and a wave hello. If spiders could smile, she certainly did. 

“Hello there, Madam Octa” my voice broke the silence as I approached the duo and crouched down to gently touch the tip of my finger to her lifted legs. 

“I missed you.” I mused to myself as she climbed into my hand and settled there in my palm. Getting to my feet I looked up as Mr Crepsley turned around and placed the silver instrument down. He hadn’t changed much with his trade mark scar on his cheek, his wild orange hair and blazing eyes. Something was missing though and I realized that I still wore his red cape around my shoulders. I unclasped it and held it in my hands running my thumb over the well-worn leather.The material was worn and the hide chaffed in some places, when I looked closer, I could see tiny scratches and scuff marks and a rather noticeable scar-like gash on the shoulder sleeve, sustained when Mr Crepsley had fallen into the fire that night. It was ironic that only the cape had kept the scars of our ordeals when me and Mr Crepsley seemed to have been reborn anew. The horror and raw, crushing feeling that plagued me for my entire existence after and had been joyfully left behind when I died seeped into my being. I couldn't find the strength in me to look up an instead stared at the cloak in my hands fumbling it around over and over. 

I was more than elated that he was here but I also expected it. Mr Crepsley was innately 'a just cause' he deserved a place like Paradise but I could not comprehend anything I accomplished as noble enough to land me a spot in the land of immortality. Mr Crepsley just watched me silently, wistfully I suppose (if I were to describe the look in his eyes). I felt a lump building up in my throat as my pent up emotions got the better of me. Tears threatened to spill, blurring my vision and I fought to find the right words to say to him. I wasn't very much ashamed when I felt warm droplets after droplet trickle down the sides of my cheek. 

I held the cape in my hands as Madam Octa climbed to my shoulder. Mr Crepsley was watching me closely the way he did when I intended to confide personal matters with him. I focused my gaze on his scar as I whispered my last words to him on earth: “Even in death, may you be triumphant.” My voice faltered at the last word and I bit my lip, crying as a pair of warm arms wrapped around me and held me against an equally warm chest. This time I realized that I wept out of joy and not grief. 

“Weep not, Master Shan. I am here. There shall not be any Steve or Vampanese and neither will there be any more stakes or firey pits.” Mr Crepsley whispered soothingly against my hair as I clung to him. I had never really realized how lonely I was without him and the defenses I'd kept around me came crashing down as I sobbed even harder. Somehow I felt no impending doom or danger, safe from the clutches of Des Tiny now, no more Wars or dying. This was an eternity of peace, a place where time stood still. 

Mr Crepsley loosened his hug when I had calmed down considerably and I pulled away as he took the cloak from my arms and shrugged it on. There he was, the iconic vampire, mentor and fellow friend. His eyes caught mine and sensing my stare, his lips curved into a grin. He gestured to his coffin and I climbed in, lying down in the oversized casket. 

“Rest now Darren. Dawn is coming. The night will be another day and I will teach you more things of this world.” I sighed happily at his words and calming voice. He was right and for once in the years of my life, my eyes closed to a long wondrous sleep, free of nightmares.


End file.
